Objects at rest tend to stay at rest.  Objects that are moving tend to stay miserable and rage against anything that has the misfortune to wander into their path.  Thus are the laws of inter-householderary motion.

After seven years as a Resident Assistant at Boston University, five of which were served as chief fief in the beautiful, new, “flagship” building, I am leaving to take a position at another school.  A position that features two meal plans and actual money and a whopping 100 extra square-feet in the apartment.  I just could not turn this job down, as a meal plan means I don’t need to have food in the house (and can store books in the kitchen), money can be used to pay of debt (for leather-bound hardbacks), and all that space can be used to store useful things (like books). 

I know that there is an extra 100 square feet because I lovingly and meticulously measured every last inch of the new apartment.  Then, last night when Peter had to work late, I measured every inch of the current apartment.  Then I went crazy.  I ran around the house demanding that we go furniture shopping right now, and would get angry and nervous when Peter refused to consider what color to paint the accent wall while he was eating dinner.

“Don’t you understand we need to take care of these things NOW?”

“Adrienne, isn’t the current occupant still living in the apartment?  And I haven’t even seen the new place, how can we . . .”

“YOU ARE THE LAZIEST HUMAN BEING ON THE PLANET.” My head then dislocated itself from my neck, spun completely around, and I hung from the ceiling spewing decorating advice from HGTV.  Peter would roll his eyes and calmly go back to eating the instant macaroni and cheese that took me away from my essential moving preparations for ten whole minutes. 

“Fool!  Do you not realize we have no furniture?  We have no place to lay our heads.” I then fell off the ceiling and lay in a heap on the floor.

“Well, yes.  This is true.  But couldn’t we just go furniture shopping, say, tomorrow?”

“WHY DON’T YOU LOVE ME ANYMORE!!??”

My life has been lived in Caps Lock recently.

In any case, we are going to look at furniture today, because it is true that we don’t own any (except the bookcases).  I have comfortably let other institutions provide seats and beds for me my entire life.  And Peter only owns an end table, one industrial shelf and a set of stackable cushions that some might consider a couch.  Some people who are not me.

Oh, and did I mention we are moving on our anniversary?  Yes.  Indeed we are.  But in this case it is very appropriate; for the five-year anniversary (that this year marks), you are supposed to give gifts of wood.  From me Peter is getting an unfinished wooden desk.  From him I hope to get a TV stand, end table, night stand, bed frame, coffee table and a couch.  And a kitchen table.  And possibly some chairs.  DEAR HEAVEN WE HAVE NO FURNITURE, WHAT WAS I THINKING?

Actually, I’d probably settle for Peter sticking around for the sixth anniversary. 

And possibly a taupe accent wall.