It’s been five hours since my last post.

During those five hours, I chose to attend a program entitled, “Finding your life’s purpose.” I slunk up along side this program all secretive like, so it wouldn’t know I had actually meant to go in.  I tried to blend in to a weight-bearing pillar, clandestine in my desire to find a life’s purpose.

But Peter made me stay at this retreat.  And it was either go to the aforementioned program or listen to hours of chanting.  Sanskrit chanting.  As holy and powerful an act as this may be, I know I would only be able to meditate on the fact that my butt had gone numb.  So I chose to find purpose

I left this program smiling.  Nay--grinning.  Why?  I don’t know.  Maybe I’m delirious from too many vegetables.  (Side note:  Do you know what these people consider “animal protein?” Tuna. Tuna!  Tuna isn’t animal protein.  It’s the freaking carrot of the sea.  I know people say it’s the chicken of the sea, but they lie.  Whereas I normally refuse to eat this fish, I pounce on tuna here merely because it is my right as the top of the food chain.  I am a predator, creatures named by Adam.  FEAR ME.  But I digress.) Anyway, after talking to these people and reading this book, “Eat, Pray, Love,” I’ve gone even crazier than I did after reading the Desert Fathers.  I found myself thinking about addressing God as the “Universe.”

“Yeah,” I thought.  “Jesus is the son of the Universe!  He embodied all that is to set the fallen right!  It all makes sense now!  You know what else?  I could really use some chocolate!”

Never underestimate the importance of chocolate in any well-balanced diet of enlightenment.

In even more astonishing news, I have been giving thought to attending the 6:15am yoga class.  Granted, “giving thought,” is not exactly the same as, “hall myself out of bed at an (excuse the pun) ungodly hour of the morning.” My Father-in-law (hi dad!) gets up this early on a regular basis.  When I first met him, I had a hard time believing that this “6:00am” of which he spoke even existed.  It just sounded to cruel to be true.

But the Universe is Ineffable.  So what is cruel may also be beautiful.

Oh.  I so need to go home.