At my current place of employment, they have a curious tradition of “Free Fried Dough Friday” on the first Friday of every month. On some level this offends me, because it really ought to be “Free Funnel Cake Friday,” because funnel cake is simply more artful. One could argue that all fried lumps of dough are created equal, but these poor fools have obviously never attended in a jubilee in Pennsylvania.
Really, I do not get the fried dough because I like it. I hate it, actually. Its only redeeming quality is that it conveys powdered sugar and cinnamon to my mouth, because the sprinkle containers are too large to just dump it directly. Also, it is always because I seek the funnel cake of my youth, a perfect dessert that has reached deity-like status in my memory. Alas, this fried dough is but a pale shadow cast upon the wall of a cholesterol-laden cave. The plutonic ideal can be found solely in western PA, circa 1985.
This brings us to another issue of baked goods in New England. Yesterday I had occasion to attend a bake sale (they seem to have a bake sale every two weeks here, amazing since few people have kitchens; but I digress). I desperately wanted a “no bake.” I asked the proprieter of one table if they had such a thing at the sale. She said, “Yup--there are cheesecakes at the end.” “No,” I said, “I don’t want cheesecake. I want a no bake.”
She looked at me as if I had four heads.
So it would appear that anything here that does no require baking is called a “no bake,” when in reality, it is a very specific, particular confection with very specific requirements. It generally involved oatmeal, chocolate and peanut butter. I googled this to make sure I wasn’t making it up, and there were many recipes that involved fruit and nuts. However, I found the recipe for the “no bake” ideal, the no bake of my youth, the thing that made school and church functions worth bearing. I became a graduate student in theology because of no bakes. So here is one recipe for them. In case you have to make something for a bake sale and you want your offering to crush all the others from the sheer weight of its superirotiy.
