Another week of internet silence, yet another existential crisis.  This one was pretty boring and unwarranted, so I didn’t even bother giving it a number.

I think I passed my third test.  Though it has been a month since I sat for this particular exam, I haven’t heard officially.  I kept harassing one of my advisers over Instant Messenger and he said typed, “I’m reading it now as the second reader.  Unless you really screw up the third question, congratulations!”

Forgive me if this does not fill me with utter confidence. 

So now I sort-of-passed three written exams.  How in the world that happened is beyond me.  Everyone’s always saying, “Oh posh, Adrienne.  Of course you’ll pass.  You are just being dramatic.” To which I reply:  People, seriously.  Failing was a very, very real option.  Technically, it still is.

And now I have to do a dissertation.  What?  I was always confident I would flunk out before that ridiculous task.  But now I have to think of, like, a topic.  And then say something new about it.  And then write 200 pages about it.

I wonder if I could just assert, “I have no life,” and then edit my blog into my dissertation.  I’d have no problem defending my thesis.

It’s interesting being able to do whatever I want.  Since nothing is required of me, I can charge through several hundred pages of pleasure reading in a day.  It’s like I’ve been walking through arid waste lands in search of water and stumbled upon the most amazing oasis ever.  The words drip down through my brain and at the end of each day I lie in a drunken stupor from so much fiction.  It’s glorious, but the hangovers lead to existential crises.  That I then try to cure by more reading.  Well, more reading and by joining professional organizations.  Somehow I got it in my head that I should be doing something scholarly, and since I may hit thirty before anyone tells me if I passed my first exam or not, I figured I’d pretend I already had my doctorate.  I’m up to four memberships in various groups that include words like, “practical” and “spiritual” in their names. 

I figure it’s a better use of resources than buying, say, Beverly Hills 90210 season 2 on DVD.

But I could be wrong about that.