Here’s a question for you, 20 readers.
Let’s say you work someplace where all information is managed by one system. All relevant files and notes and such each have their own “module” within the the system. There was one person trained to know how to use all of the modules. This person left and no one replaced her. Then there were a bunch of people who could use individual modules, but then they left, and now there are modules that no one knows how to use. At all. Not a soul.
Now let’s say you are in a job which requires the information in your own module. There’s no one to train you on it because there’s no one who knows how to use it. There might be someone in the world who knows and can train you, and you are given three choices about meeting this person:
A) Learn how to use the module, but you’ll be the only one trained.
B) Do not learn how to use the module because you’ll be on leave in a month and if you learn how to do it, it is unlikely your place of employment will train someone else because technically someone on the payroll (you) knows how to use the module and one day you will return and you can help the new person (that is, the person who will be your new boss).
C) Plot the imminent demise of all technology, thinking records were really best left to be edged in bark by stylus anyway. Carry out crazy scheme. Bring down society as we know it.
The benefits to choice C are obvious. Those of choice A include the productivity could come from the next few weeks. Choice B would give the new boss a fighting chance, a chance denied to you. But you’d be left in information purgatory.
What would you do?
You know, if I were to write this into a choose your own adventure story, it would be really lame. And boring. And it would never get printed because I wouldn’t be able to access the “adventure” module, since I am in the “choose” department.
And don’t even get me started on the people who manage the “your own” infrastructure. They’re drunk by noon.
Yes, yes, no new updates. Before this would have been caused by existential crises. Now it is caused by an utter lack of interesting developments. All entries would read:
“Today I went to work. And then I came home.”
It would be really dull.
The thing is, work is not dull. But as I have learned from the many before me, it is unwise to blog about work unless your boss knows and sanctions such a thing and you haven’t, like myself, signed numerous confidentiality agreements that prohibit you from telling the really interesting bits. Bits that involve state troopers. Bits that would summarize my day in saying “And then I started screaming and didn’t stop.”
This “wanting to scream” thing is particularly true today. And I didn’t have the time or energy to roller-brush my hair dry, so it is wild and big, not unlike the mane of a lioness. And I’m dressed all in black. So I’m tramping around campus, an ever-enlarging onyx she-creature stifiling the primal noises that are but an inch from surfacing.
Behold, I am Mid-level College Administrator. Fear me.
In other news, Josh Groban has a new CD out. And I did not buy it. Hear me out on this. First, this “new” CD has songs on it that were all previously released some place else. And they sound better on the other CDs. I’ve heard the man live and I know he can sound amazing in person; I don’t think he needs to have production cover up flaws in his voice. However, live recordings rarely do their artists any favors--why do I need new music with screaming in the background? And the new CD comes with a DVD of a concert set I saw in person (third row!). Why should I spend money on that? The Internet pre-order edition has different cover art and, like, two extra songs I also already own.
Despite all of this, last night I was on Itunes and I listened to the ever-so-slightly different version of “Weeping” and I almost relented and bought the album. Because Groban does that to me. Because his curls coil, Medusa like, around my heart and bind me inextricably to the Warner Brothers marketing machine. “I will change the world with you, Josh Groban!” I cry. And George Bush did just send me that economic stimulus check . . .
But no, for once, I was strong. I urge you to resist this CD and DVD set too, unless you actually watch concert DVDs more than once and you will never see him in person.
But maybe I’ll listen to the other 6 recordings I have of him. It will at least muffle the screams.
The Horoscope for Cancer, April 25, 2008:
“If you feel like you’ve been a bit overwhelmed or stressed out lately, just try to bring a positive attitude to everything you do today. If you can just manage to do this, you’ll see how much it ends up affecting not only you but everyone else around you right now. The right approach could really help you impress others and could contribute a great deal to your long-term success.
Just be aware that a variety of professional concerns could really end up requiring an awful lot of your time and attention today. But don’t let yourself worry about it too much because the payoff for your efforts should eventually prove to be more than worth your while.”
Well, thank you oracle. I imagine you are speaking of when today I was telling a friend that I was expecting a call from the outside vendor who was to provide summer storage for our students. And the friend almost choked on his panini and shouted, “OH JEEZ, NOT *insert the full name of the man from whom I was, in fact, expecting a call.*
“Uh, yes? How did you know?” Perhaps he, like you, oracle, could see my future.
“Do you remember that debacle a few years ago when *insert name of many Boston area schools* stored stuff for the summer, only to have it lost or mishandled and then eventually had to send their own movers to actually go find the stuff at some warehouse someplace?
“Yes?”
“That’s this guy’s company! He changes the name of it every year because schools won’t do business with him! He’s crazy! He’s terrible! He’s . . .”
“He’s the only option I have with two weeks until move out.”
*Silence.*
But now, oracle, I won’t let myself worry too much about this, because I know the payoff for my efforts will eventually prove to be more than worth my while. Thank goodness for divination. I had almost started to lose it there. But the stars spelled out, in large, friendly letters, “Don’t Panic.”
And obviously, this indicates an accurate guide.
"One day, you’re going to be the mom calling the school.”
“Ohhhhhh no. My kid is going to ‘roommate relationship camp’ all throughout her youth, and taking Saturday classes on mediation and negotiation.”
“Yeah, but what if she has a crazy roommate?”
“Whatever. Unless there are bodies in the closet, I’m not calling the school. Even then I’ll have to make sure they were ritually sacraficed. Then, THEN, I’ll consider it.”
“I can’t believe you just said that.”
“That’s because you are in Student Activities.”
“Wow.”
