Theology Girl

Maybe I'll just have my own Reformation

February 06, 2005

Well, world, here�s a good one: I received word from a friend that I will be receiving a letter from my home district of the United Methodist Church informing me that they will be axing, er, removing me from the ranks of those seeking to be ordained elders. I am in the process of becoming an ordained elder in the United Methodist Church, did I ever mention that? Well, at least, I was.

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Apparently they somehow received word that Boston University had cut faculty, I would no longer be continuing in my doctoral program, and would like to be appointed to a church ASAP. They were alarmed by this since I also apparently never return phone calls, emails or letters and they didn�t know what to do with my urgent need. All of this is news to me. The last time I checked my angst-o-meter, it still seemed pretty charged from the fact that I am most definitely still pursuing a doctorate. Granted, my two advisors are on sabbatical/leave, but the rest of the School of Theology seems relatively intact. And though serving a church in Pennsylvania would not be entirely unwelcome, I just don�t think I could make the commute. And all of the correspondence I am not returning�well, my head is usually in the clouds, I�ll admit. But I seem to have missed all phone calls, emails and letters from them. For the last six months. Oh, and wait, there�s more. If I want to continue to pursue ordination, I have to go to a meeting in April. Right before the marathon. I don�t know exactly what one does before one runs a marathon (or even bouncy walks a marathon) but my Spidey sense tells me it isn�t spend a lot of hours in airplanes and airports. Truthfully, I never really fit in with the committee who would further my candidacy. I think they and I were always slightly ill at ease with one another. If they read my blog, well, they�d probably send out the letter they�re sending anyway. In triplicate. So my current plan is to grovel. To beg them to let me continue in the process. I am going to promise to be a good girl, to do my paperwork, to attend meetings (though I really hope they let the April one go, because frankly, raising money for cancer research is more important), to go to West Virginia or wherever to get a Psychological Assessment�anything. Because on some days, despite the fact that I feel like I'd be the head lemming convincing the others that cliff diving is perfectly safe, I still feel like I should try for for ordination. Because that�s what I�ve thought I should do for nearly half my life. I went to a UMC college. I now go to one of their 13 seminaries. I quote John Wesley for fun. Give me a another chance, church, just one more! (Well, okay, I�ll probably need about 50, but ignore that for now.)
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07:25 PM 4 comments 0 trackbacks

I give myself a C

So, I don�t know what all of you, dear readers, are doing on this lovely Sunday. Personally, I am composing (rather poorly I might add) my first assignment for Monday�s �Class That Never Ends.� My assignment is to give a �brief description of someone whom you consider to be a good contemporary leader� and an �explanation of why you consider this person a good leader.� Allow me to include an excerpt of this, my painful endeavor at completing said assignment:

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�There are many people whom I consider to be good leaders. Desmond Tutu is chief among them. I see him as a man of God more than a man of the world, an artist instead of a politician. I guess this goes along with my idea that leaders are people whose vision for those they lead is something above and beyond the norm. That is, lots of people can have ideas about where groups should go; some of them might even have the will, charisma and means to make the ideas come about. But true leaders possess a singular hope for a future that truly seeks a better tomorrow. They are able to see through the fog of the status quo and pursue a future that is righteous for all of humanity.� Oh, Aristophanes, weep for me, and all those poor professor who thought I could write well. I mean, I actually used the phrase �fog of the status quo.� I feel the above paragraph would have also resulted if I had just thrown the Oxford Dictionary of the Christian Church, Tutu�s �No Future Without Forgiveness� and the liner notes from a Britney Spears CD into a paper shredder and randomly taped fragments of words together. Yes, I suppose I could edit and come up with something else. * insert onomatopoetic sound indicating resignation here * But I would just come up with something even less sincere. And I�ve found that true, unabashed sincerity in class is just an invitation to unnecessary pain anyway. I really do think of Desmond Tutu as one of the greatest leaders in the contemporary period. But to really explain why, I�d have to scatter my prose with words like, �Dude,� �damn,� �seriously man,� and �apartheid is seriously whacked.� I�ve found that this is not what professors want. Which is a shame, really. I wish I could abandon the desire for the arbitrary �A� grade. I would be free to write whatever I wanted. Then I would be honest. I would be fun. You know, it is far too nice a day to be doing homework. Perhaps that is the problem. It is a balmy 39 degrees here in Boston�I think I will go get ready for the Super Bowl party I will be attending. And by �attending,� I mean, �staying for 15 minutes for the food and then fleeing.� Though I have never been a fan of football, I lost all respect for the Super Bowl phenomenon last year. (Small rant coming, ignore if you want.) Call me insane, but why was Janet Jackson�s breast so offensive? I mean, clearly she works out, she didn't just bare them with no preparation. She could pull off that leather thingy she was wearing. When did breasts become horrifying? I mean, wasn�t the fact that Justin Timberlake (in theory, if their stories about what happened were true) violated Janet the real problem? I mean, football is violent. The commercials during the Super Bowl are for beer, Viagra, and other ridiculous television show (which I admit I watch). Really, in the great scheme of the whole event, Janet�s breast was the least offensive part of the whole show. But noooooooooooooo. Somehow the human body (well, the bits of human body that pop stars cover with strategically place leather thingies) is somehow the Worst Possible Thing a child could see. It isn�t the violence of it; it�s the obscenity of bare flesh. Whatever. This is why I�m just staying for the curly fries.
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11:27 AM 0 comments 0 trackbacks

Search Engine fun

February 04, 2005

I would also just like to ask, does anyone visit my site meter stats? Because I do, and I am utterly fascinated that the search terms that bring people to theologygirl. Here�s a list of the last week:

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04:59 PM 1 comments 0 trackbacks

Jonas Quinn can't lose

Oh blog, I�ve missed you. It�s just been one of those weeks where I feel that if I had only slept maybe 15 minutes more per day, life would seem to make more sense. Of course, there�s always the chance that life wouldn�t make much sense no matter when I went to bed. So yesterday Peter offered to order my text books online in the pursuit of free shipping from Amazon. Now, one might think I should have my text books given that we are now in week three of the semester. But as my journey down this academic road winds deeper into the dark forest of course work, I find I grow tired of actually buying books. Because I know in my heart I will end up reading about one fourth of what they contain. Why, you ask? Well now, allow me to present: Adrienne�s Annotated Bibliography for the Apathetic (I�ll just include titles, because again, it�s not the authors� fault I want to ignore their texts, it�s mine for not going for the Masters in Children�s Literature.)

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1. �Listening to God: Spiritual Formation in Congregations.� Okay, this book could be good. Except for the fact that I find the idea that I will be responsible for the spiritual formation of a congregation laughable. I am the girl who counts the grapes on the vaulted ceiling instead of paying attention to the sermon in church. I mean, I try to pay attention, but ministers use so many words in succession. They should really break it up with juggling bright, shiny objects or something. 2. �Leadership is an Art.� Actually, I find the title �Leadership is an invitation to unnecessary pain� a more accurate title. 3. �Soul Feast: An Invitation to the Christian Spiritual Life.� Now this one has potential. I think it features stalking night creatures feasting on un-baptized spirits. Call me crazy, but clearly a book with this title has to be something like that. Maybe the night creatures are bi-pedal wolves. Oooh, that�d be cool. 4. �How the Way We Talk Can Change the Way We Work: Seven Languages for Transformation.� Frankly, I think we don�t need to change the way we talk. We need to change the fact that we talk at all. I think humanity should try to work out its differences using a hybrid form of whale song. In fact, I think I will try to fulfill the 30 percent of my grade dedicated to class participation using this new form of communication. Well-meaning professor: �Adrienne, how do you think a congregation will benefit from your facilitation of the seven languages we have discussed?� Me: �Waaaaaaaaaaaeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiioooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.� 5. �Leading Edge: Leadership Strategies from the New Testament� Okay, people. I don�t know about you, but no Biblical leader I know about really fared too well. I mean, look at Jesus, the leader par excellence of the New Testament. HELLO PEOPLE. Jesus was like, �Oh, hey, yeah guys. You should really cut all this �being mean to each other stuff� out. I mean, it�s not cool. Let�s all have some bread and fish and MAN can I make some good wine. Peace, love, be nice, the kingdom is at hand woo hoo!� (Random thought�I think I just articulated my entire eschatology right there in the last sentence. In 11 words; who says graduate students can�t be concise?) And what happened to the poor guy? NAILED TO A TREE. Pain, owie, bad. And name me a good king whose life wasn�t at some point a major downer. Do you just have to render unto Caesar in the case of leadership strategies? Dude, it sure looks like it. And my personal favorite: 6. �Leadership on the Other Side: No Rules, Just Clues� Uh, the other side of what? Is that TV guy John Edward involved in this? Or is this a companion piece to some sort of obscure theologically oriented children�s program? �Irenaeus� clues, Irenaeus� clues; we just figured out Irenaeus� clues, cause we really smart, yeah!� Personally, looking at all my neatly typed syllabi outlining the next few months of my life, months companioned by the above texts, just makes me want to go to bed. Or maybe watch the Jonas Quinn episodes of Stargate SG-1. Yeah, actually I�ll do that.
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04:42 PM 1 comments 0 trackbacks

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